We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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