is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
