He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
