Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
