My first STD was from a foam party
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize