He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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