Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
