And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You are the jesus of drinking
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
