Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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