Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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