What did we do last night that was yellow?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
