he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
