"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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