I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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