I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
