I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
