Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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