Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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