this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
