I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
