Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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