Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
