i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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