Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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