i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
