My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
