that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize