he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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