He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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