I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
