Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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