So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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