Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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