I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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