I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
