I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
