You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize