so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
