I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My vagina is officially offended.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
