Will you blow on my dice?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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