I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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