at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
