We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize