I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
