Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
