You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
