He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
