so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ttyl tear gas
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
