Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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