this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
