Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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