So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
