Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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