Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
