I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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