i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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