nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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