I showed him my bush... on skype.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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