Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
