But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
