capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
