I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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