The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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