Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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