it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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