Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
