Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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