She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
