oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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