i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
