I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize