I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
