I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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