it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
