Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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