Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
