Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
