Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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