hell yes lets make some ravioli
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize