Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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