Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
