If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
kristin has been a bad kristin
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize