also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
