She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
