I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
