birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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