There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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