They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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