Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
did i walk over a car last night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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