I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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