Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
