just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
