ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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