They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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