Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
