I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
