There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm at about main and main street
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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