Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
