I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
