I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's shark week go big or go home
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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