I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
