I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
