HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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