Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
