does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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