I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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