I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
