Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
