smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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